mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm just crazy horny about you
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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