I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
