Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
