My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
