she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
