Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
