Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
