I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
