We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
