an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
