Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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