Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
