I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
