It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
