You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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