i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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