Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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