Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
