i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Vodka?
Forever.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
