I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
