Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
