He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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