I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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