fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
