I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
