just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
