she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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