He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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