I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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