Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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