ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The feeling are messing with the penis
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
