i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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