Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
