my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
