well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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