dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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