i'm signing you up for texting rehab
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
