i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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