Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
