After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Randomize
