Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
