Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
