You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
