I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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