I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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