Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
