is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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