everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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