apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
