Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You are a genius and a whore.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
