do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
