her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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