Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
