I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
